2 years to the date

mom, I miss you! 

I feel you close by at times, times when it's quite or i get to write in my journal.  I still have feelings of bitterness when I see moms with their daughters and I think of how much you've missed and will miss.  That saddens me.  I have to, every once in a while, bring up your name to my kids to remind them of who you are.  Kaylee still knows that her middle name Jo comes from your middle name, but Lia won't ever be able to remember you and the fact that her middle name, Molly, comes from you.  She'll only know that b/c I tell her.  No pictures of her and you together to put in her scrapbook.

I know there's a higher purpose in all this, but right now I can't see that far ahead and only Heavenly Father knows his plan.  I do know that one day i'll be able to see you again.  I know that without a shadow of a doubt.  What's life for, if all we are is to come here, live and then die without there being something after this.  Don't think I could go on if death was the end.  So grateful for my faith in Jesus Christ and my knowledge of the gospel.  If you want to know more about what I believe, go here.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

This morning Aaron and I got to go do a session at the temple.  It's been a few months so it was nice to be there together.  It's always refreshing to go and feel that peace and know that there's something bigger out there than you and I.  A bigger purpose and plan for all of us.  Striving to do better each day and live so that i'll see those that have passed before me.  One day, one day.

You know, looking back at these pictures of her funeral and all that happened that week, I honestly don't know how we made it!  I know that it was only by the grace of God that we kept it together.  I can see in some of the pictures that it just looks like we're holding on by a thread, about to snap at any minute.  But that's whats so wonderful about this gospel, is that we have the spirit there to guide us and to comfort us.  Getting by it would be as if we were blind.  I remember back to what I felt that week and just am amazed at the fact that we were still standing at the end of it all.  Bruised, but no broken. 
Just wanted to tell my sisters, Stephanie and Rachel, that I love you and am so glad we have each other!  I'll try better to be better.
Dad, I love you and can't imagine what you've had to go through.  Looking back at these pictures I can see the deadness in your eyes and the pain that you went through.  Has me in tears just remembering that week and those bleak months after.  I'm so glad you found Karen.  I know you were meant to meet her.  I don't always understand his plan for us, but I know that it's there and someday we'll get to see her again.  Oh, what a glorious reunion!